MISO SOBA WITH SEAWEED & MUSHROOMS

YOU'LL NEED:
A kettle
A knife & chopping board
A colander
A wok
A spatula

INGREDIENTS:
Soba noodles
2 tbsp red miso paste
2 tsp chopped garlic
1 tsp tamarind paste
One small red onion, sliced
Seaweed
Kale, washed and chopped
10-12 Swiss brown mushrooms, sliced
Olive oil

1. Fill the kettle and turn it on.
2. In the wok, fry onions, garlic, and kale in a little olive oil.
3. Add the mushrooms, miso paste, tamarind paste, seaweed, and about a cup of boiling water.
4. Pour the rest of the boiling water on the soba noodles. Drain them in the colander, and add to the wok.
5. Stir-fry for 4-5 minutes, and serve.

STOMACH BUTTERFLICATION

You know those annoying people who call their partners "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" when they're well past the age of boy/girlhood? Well, I am one of those people. I am also one of those people that is afraid of commitment, afraid of compromise, afraid of failing at the relationship thing (despite long and glorious history of spectacular relationship implosions that should've gotten me used to it by now).

And I am one of those people that other people think should definitely Meet This Nice Friend of theirs who will be Perfect For Me. And I am one of those people that says sure, I'd be happy to meet them, and then spends the entire day drinking tea to quell the nervousness of having to go out later that evening and Make A Good Impression.

Which is how I spent all of yesterday.

I woke up to a text message from Andie and six from Phil, and dragged my weary ass into the shower to get marginally presentable. Shaved and showered, I retrieved my mobile from the sink where it had fallen after vibrating violently off the counter thanks to multiple phone calls from Phil stating that I was rubbish, and demanding that I rectify this sorry state of affairs by getting my lazy butt out of the house and coming to meet them immediately. I hurriedly chowed down a bowl of soba (it was to be the only bright spot in my weekend), checked what I could see of the upper half of my outfit in the 6-inch high bathroom mirror, made sure my teeth were seaweed-free, and headed out.

Two hours on the crowded tram. I got off, convinced that I smelled of BO and stale onions. In the five minutes it took to dash across Brunswick Street, I had made the mental leap to inevitable rejection and possibly even quiet ridicule, and was wracking my brain for the perks of dying alone and unloved, when the bouncer at Little Creatures said, "Coming in?" and I nodded, forever sealing my fate.

As it turns out, the evening wasn't half bad. Somehow dashing your own hopes before your beer arrives makes you slightly more immune to marked lack of eye-contact, let alone signs of even fleeting curiosity from the party you're being set up with. Or when said party returns from the bathroom and your friends not-so-subtly move so you're sitting next to each other. I rapidly downed four pints, reasoning with myself that if I was doomed to making a fool of myself, I might as well do so in a state of oblivion.

Andie remarked that the night was young and suggested that we go dancing, an idea taken up rather enthusiastically by everyone. Except me. I tried to channel my panic into fervent appeals to the universe that the dance club down the street have burnt down, and as a backup plan, tried to think of excuses to leave that wouldn't sound like I was giving Phil's friend the brush-off (because even my pessimism is adulterated with optimism). Luckily for me, the dance club plan was shelved in favour of karaoke - and karaoke meant more drinking and all-round humiliation. I got to do the one thing that I think impresses potential dates: throw back straight shots of tequila and belt out hits from early '90's boy bands.

Why I'm still single is one of the enduring mysteries of the universe.

GINGER ORANGE PEKOE TEA

YOU'LL NEED:
Two teapots
A kettle
A knife
A teaspoon
One or more teacups
A microwave

INGREDIENTS:
Orange pekoe tea
Fresh ginger root
Milk or lemon
Honey or brown sugar

1. Fill the kettle with water and turn it on.
2. Slice a piece of ginger root (say about 1-2cm) and put it in one teapot.
3. Measure tea leaves into the other teapot: a teaspoon for every cup, and one more for the pot. This amount can be varied according to taste.
4. When water begins to boil, pour it into the first teapot (the one with the ginger) and let it sit for about a minute.
5. Pour the water from the first teapot into the second, and give it a bit of a swirl.
6. Pour it back into the first teapot immediately.

Now, anytime you feel like a cup of tea, pour yourself a cup from the first teapot, microwave it for about a minute and a half, add milk and sugar (or honey and lemon if you prefer) and enjoy. Since the teapot has almost no tea leaves in it, the tea won't be bitter and nasty. Ginger tea works wonders for colds, migraines, and increasing your empathy cred with girlfriends.

BIG BLOGGER IS WATCHING YOU

Commonwealth residents who grew up in the '70's and '80's when British publishers were continuing to print our school textbooks despite the ostensible collapse of the Raj may recall having to read an essay by George Orwell titled "Why I Write". I don't actually remember what Orwell's reasons for writing were, but I'm willing to bet that like his style, they were clear, logical, and as thrilling as cardboard. The best bits of Orwell's writing, as with Shakespeare, the Bible, and other creative works, have become clichéd sourceless pop-culture sound-bites: Big Brother, some are more equal than others... okay, nothing else comes to mind, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, the reason I bring up Orwell is that I like to think it makes my blog sound smart and serious. Because Orwell, by general consensus, is smart and serious, while retaining that enviable aura of political controversy that marks him as a truth-teller that Valiantly Defies Authority. And Orwell wrote an essay called "Why I Write", which seems to me a perfect way to segue into my own reasons for writing.

Most writers have a sneaking suspicion that they're overflowing receptacles of brilliance. And receptacles of brilliance aren't particularly interested in other (rival) receptacles of (alleged) brilliance: they're preoccupied with tricking The System into publishing their one book, for surely the inevitable recognition and adulation from The Masses will take care of the rest. Voila, the internet.

Cut to the present day, and my reasons for writing:
1. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am an overflowing receptacle of brilliance.
2.

...okay, so there's just the one reason. This blog, like all the other blogs I've abandoned in the past (but you'll never find out about, since I've covered my tracks by hitting the Delete All Cookies button, ha!) is about why I'm right. Here I shall discuss a range of topics, such as:

- Manga
- Food
- Films
- Awesome things I've been doing
- People who suck
and occasionally
- Things of importance.

So onward, little piglets! Let's get on with it. Tally ho, and all that jazz. Comment allez-vous, arrivederci, sayonara. Ole.