JUST TO PROVE I'M A SENSITIVE SOUL

ALGERNON

OCELOT

 

BRIDGE

CHAT

CHEAP

 

CHILL

CRICKET

 

DJINN

ESPERS

 

FRIENDS

 

HOME

 

JAFFA

 

LEFT

 

LIBRARY

RIDE

 

ROGER

 

SOUTH

 

THURS

 

TIME

TRAIN

 

WALK

 

XYLO

AGE

BAIKU HAIKU

 Surely it's not
      *that*
bad that I want
a                   a
   hot       hot
        pink
bike         bike?

DRUNKN TYPOS NOT JST FOR LOLCATZ

So I went out with Andie today and got kinda smashed. Very smashed. Smashed enough that typing is a goddamn pain with all the times you hit the backspace/delete button to correct typos from fingers hitting too many keys and very often the wrong ones.

Oh fuck it.

Okay peeps, that's it from me for today! If in doubt, take it from me, yes drinking out of a shared wine bottle in the park after dark with your best mate = awesome.

LIME DISEASE

Have you all ever noticed how the lime-flavoured gummy bears always taste like chemical effluence? It doesn't matter what brand it is, or what kind of gummy creature - well it is possible that gummy babies are different, I wouldn't know, I have never eaten them as I find them slightly frightening, like the dead baby in Trainspotting.

...Anyway. The bag of gummy rattlesnakes that I'm currently enjoying contains an assortment of six colour-coded flavours: apple, strawberry, blackberry, orange, lemon and lime. Notice how you can easily distinguish the flavours from each other by their colours, all except the lime from apple. So you bite into an apple snake, thinking mmm-yeah sugary goodness and blech, it's lime. NOBODY LOVES LIME! Make another flavour! I'm not sayin' it has to be something complicated like honey-roasted walnut mocha creme or fresh bouquet of summer flowers, but how about grape or cherry!

Besides, the big selling point of gummy bears is not that they taste like apples or blueberries or whatever, it's the sugar. Gummy bears are just chewy sugar. Lemon is not really lemony, orange is not tangy, and the berry flavours are just slightly more saccharine than the citrus ones, and they're all just mildly, pleasantly fruity, all except for lime which smells and tastes like floor cleaner. Lime is the stinkface in the cubicle next to you who never bathes and is growing mushrooms in his bodily crevices. NO ONE WILL MISS HIM IF YOU ORDER A HIT ON HIM.

Just sayin'.

Anyway, other than lime, gummy creatures are generally awesome, so yeah, keep up the good work. But take out the lime.

REALLY REALLY LUCKY

Sometimes
The sun is out
And you're indoors
And you think dammit who cares about this bloody essay I'm going out
And you step out and close your eyes and smile and turn your face up
That's when it starts
To rain.
And if you're really really lucky you would've left your keys inside.

This has been a poem by a Melbourne dweller, thank you thank you.

YESTERDAY I KILLED: A POEM

Yesterday I killed
a fly
that flew
into
our apartment.
Chased it
with a can
of bug spray in each hand
and
killed it
dead.
The End.