When my gay Filipino best friend was little, he told his mum that he wanted to marry an Indian girl so they could do Bollywood dance together. My childhood fantasies weren't too different, except that instead of dancing, I would play piano and sing tragic songs. Unfortunately for me, I grew up with a mum who was not into tragic piano, and insisted on turning up the radio and dancing down the staircase with a dramatic pause at the landing, much to my consternation. (She was very young.)
It is a well-known fact (I'm sure) that kids with gregarious, extroverted parents grow up painfully shy - I grew up with stammering legs. My private nightmare (well, one of my top ten private nightmares) is being at a tame gathering of friends and having it morph into an impromptu dance party. At the first sign of a drumbeat my legs get tongue-tied. My little sister has inherited my mother's impeccable sense of rhythm - I got my dad's two hairy left feet.
For my mum's birthday, then, here are my favourite dance hits from the 1970's and by the "1970's" I mean 1965-1980, they're from movies that came out before I did, but after Technicolor and Elvis and the end of colonial rule in Africa (yeah I totally just Wikipedia-ed that). So whether you're looking to impress that Indian cutie in class (me) by bustin' out these movie moves, or to amuse a bunch of drunk friends after you've watched all the Ali G videos on YouTube, you'll find that this list provides sufficient material to make you cringe with embarrassment the next day.
10. DIL KYA KARE from Julie (1975)
This song would be a lot higher on the list but for the hideousness of the video. If even someone with my dubious tastes finds the guy's choice of attire and constant rubbing-up-against-each-other nightmare-ish, well, you know what to expect. [Button-down shirt unbuttoned and tied at the belly to reveal carpet chest, matched by - oh god, my eyes - cut-off Daisy Duke shorts.] Also noteworthy is the Bollywood phenomenon of pregnancy by suggestive writhing in the grass. Abstinence does not work, people.
9. AAJ KAL TERE MERE PYAAR from Brahmachari (1968)
I'm not a big fan of Shammi Kapoor, but the man managed to find his way into some of the best dance numbers of the time, with some of the most spirited dance partners (see also Entry #7 below). Praan I'm sorry to say loses points for not looking appropriately dastardly or sporting a fabulously villainous mustache.
8. AAP JAISA KOI from Qurbani (1980)
Zeenat Aman was not the most talented of actresses and dancers, but she wasn't too bad either. Unlike Parveen Babi or Rekha, she wasn't drop-dead gorgeous... or maybe the camera-man's unhealthy attachment to soft focus didn't do her justice. But there's something almost endearingly adolescent about her awkwardness, not in a gross or pervy way, oh man I'm really digging myself into a hole here. I just like her, okay? So deal.
7. O HASEENA ZULFONWALI from Teesri Manzil (1966)
Helen on the other hand is probably the most insanely talented dancer that Bollywood has witnessed. Just as Asha Bhosle is the best singer Bollywood has produced. Lata is overrated, people.
6. DUM MARO DUM from Hare Rama Hare Krishna (1971)
More Zeenat! And in the top 6 are Bollywood's dance staples, and knowing them will give you insider status, like, instantly. And you know what that means... free pot.
5. MEHBOOBA MEHBOOBA from Sholay (1975)
I apologise for the relentless hirsuteness of Indian men. I suspect it is genetic, unlike the leer, which takes practice.
4. LEKAR HUM DEEWANA DIL from Yaadon Ki Baarat (1973)
You probably can't tell just by looking at him, but the dancing dude is not a pro dancer - armed with that guitar (which is probably a prop) he infiltrated the dancing troupe, for purposes as yet unknown, but possibly connected with the distinctly nefarious-looking bearded villain.
The waiter with the knowing look and head wiggle isn't really a waiter (if you notice he didn't even manage to get a matching outfit to blend in with the other wait staff) but he is obviously in cahoots with the dancer. But that in my mind adds to the Mystery and Suspense and makes this dance number utterly Awesome. Even without that dude rappelling between buildings or whatever the fuck he's doing. Holy fuck, is that Dharam? Well at least now we can establish that he is with the good guys.
3. PIYA TU AB TO AAJA from Caravan (1971)
The vampiest - and campiest - of Helen's dance numbers, completely unnecessary for advancement of movie plot, but raises several questions, such as: What's in that drink that makes her instantly smashed but only improves her balance and coordination? And where can I get it?
2. JAANE JAAN DHOONDTHA from Jawaani Deewani (1972)
Chubby man in a toupee plays hide and seek with coy sari-clad woman toting a tiny teddy, running around in the woods. Not that kind of teddy, and not that kind of wood either.
SAY WHAT?
Jaane jaan Life of my life
dhoondtha phir raha I wander searching
hoon tumhe for you
raat din main night and day
yahaan se vahaan from here to there
Mujhko avaaz do Call out to me
Chhup gaye ho sanam You're hidden, my love
Tum kahaan? Where are you?
Main yahaan! I'm here!
Tum kahaan? Where are you?
Main yahaan! I'm here!
1. ROOP TERA MASTANA from Aradhana (1969)
Rajesh Khanna all hairy-chested and not-so-subtly indicating he would like to do sex with Sharmila Tagore. Nothing explicit, this is Bollywood, so fast-forward nine months and she has a baby, so the only smex you get is in retrospect. Kinda like real life I suppose. Yeah, kids, always carry a condom.
SAY WHAT?
Roop tera Your form is
Mastana intoxicating
Pyaar mera My love (for you)
Deewana crazy (out of control)
Bhool koi Some mistake (i.e. smex)
Humse na ho jaaye We shouldn't make!
And for more exuberant cheesiness, here's the '90's remix.
It is a well-known fact (I'm sure) that kids with gregarious, extroverted parents grow up painfully shy - I grew up with stammering legs. My private nightmare (well, one of my top ten private nightmares) is being at a tame gathering of friends and having it morph into an impromptu dance party. At the first sign of a drumbeat my legs get tongue-tied. My little sister has inherited my mother's impeccable sense of rhythm - I got my dad's two hairy left feet.
For my mum's birthday, then, here are my favourite dance hits from the 1970's and by the "1970's" I mean 1965-1980, they're from movies that came out before I did, but after Technicolor and Elvis and the end of colonial rule in Africa (yeah I totally just Wikipedia-ed that). So whether you're looking to impress that Indian cutie in class (me) by bustin' out these movie moves, or to amuse a bunch of drunk friends after you've watched all the Ali G videos on YouTube, you'll find that this list provides sufficient material to make you cringe with embarrassment the next day.
10. DIL KYA KARE from Julie (1975)
This song would be a lot higher on the list but for the hideousness of the video. If even someone with my dubious tastes finds the guy's choice of attire and constant rubbing-up-against-each-other nightmare-ish, well, you know what to expect. [Button-down shirt unbuttoned and tied at the belly to reveal carpet chest, matched by - oh god, my eyes - cut-off Daisy Duke shorts.] Also noteworthy is the Bollywood phenomenon of pregnancy by suggestive writhing in the grass. Abstinence does not work, people.
_____________________________________________
9. AAJ KAL TERE MERE PYAAR from Brahmachari (1968)
I'm not a big fan of Shammi Kapoor, but the man managed to find his way into some of the best dance numbers of the time, with some of the most spirited dance partners (see also Entry #7 below). Praan I'm sorry to say loses points for not looking appropriately dastardly or sporting a fabulously villainous mustache.
_____________________________________________
8. AAP JAISA KOI from Qurbani (1980)
Zeenat Aman was not the most talented of actresses and dancers, but she wasn't too bad either. Unlike Parveen Babi or Rekha, she wasn't drop-dead gorgeous... or maybe the camera-man's unhealthy attachment to soft focus didn't do her justice. But there's something almost endearingly adolescent about her awkwardness, not in a gross or pervy way, oh man I'm really digging myself into a hole here. I just like her, okay? So deal.
_____________________________________________
7. O HASEENA ZULFONWALI from Teesri Manzil (1966)
Helen on the other hand is probably the most insanely talented dancer that Bollywood has witnessed. Just as Asha Bhosle is the best singer Bollywood has produced. Lata is overrated, people.
_____________________________________________
6. DUM MARO DUM from Hare Rama Hare Krishna (1971)
More Zeenat! And in the top 6 are Bollywood's dance staples, and knowing them will give you insider status, like, instantly. And you know what that means... free pot.
_____________________________________________
5. MEHBOOBA MEHBOOBA from Sholay (1975)
I apologise for the relentless hirsuteness of Indian men. I suspect it is genetic, unlike the leer, which takes practice.
_____________________________________________
4. LEKAR HUM DEEWANA DIL from Yaadon Ki Baarat (1973)
You probably can't tell just by looking at him, but the dancing dude is not a pro dancer - armed with that guitar (which is probably a prop) he infiltrated the dancing troupe, for purposes as yet unknown, but possibly connected with the distinctly nefarious-looking bearded villain.
The waiter with the knowing look and head wiggle isn't really a waiter (if you notice he didn't even manage to get a matching outfit to blend in with the other wait staff) but he is obviously in cahoots with the dancer. But that in my mind adds to the Mystery and Suspense and makes this dance number utterly Awesome. Even without that dude rappelling between buildings or whatever the fuck he's doing. Holy fuck, is that Dharam? Well at least now we can establish that he is with the good guys.
_____________________________________________
3. PIYA TU AB TO AAJA from Caravan (1971)
The vampiest - and campiest - of Helen's dance numbers, completely unnecessary for advancement of movie plot, but raises several questions, such as: What's in that drink that makes her instantly smashed but only improves her balance and coordination? And where can I get it?
_____________________________________________
2. JAANE JAAN DHOONDTHA from Jawaani Deewani (1972)
Chubby man in a toupee plays hide and seek with coy sari-clad woman toting a tiny teddy, running around in the woods. Not that kind of teddy, and not that kind of wood either.
SAY WHAT?
Jaane jaan Life of my life
dhoondtha phir raha I wander searching
hoon tumhe for you
raat din main night and day
yahaan se vahaan from here to there
Mujhko avaaz do Call out to me
Chhup gaye ho sanam You're hidden, my love
Tum kahaan? Where are you?
Main yahaan! I'm here!
Tum kahaan? Where are you?
Main yahaan! I'm here!
_____________________________________________
1. ROOP TERA MASTANA from Aradhana (1969)
Rajesh Khanna all hairy-chested and not-so-subtly indicating he would like to do sex with Sharmila Tagore. Nothing explicit, this is Bollywood, so fast-forward nine months and she has a baby, so the only smex you get is in retrospect. Kinda like real life I suppose. Yeah, kids, always carry a condom.
SAY WHAT?
Roop tera Your form is
Mastana intoxicating
Pyaar mera My love (for you)
Deewana crazy (out of control)
Bhool koi Some mistake (i.e. smex)
Humse na ho jaaye We shouldn't make!
And for more exuberant cheesiness, here's the '90's remix.
